Saturday, October 17, 2020

Dealing with Fetish "Guilt". :)

Recently I've seen a variety of posts and messages here and there about people struggling with "fetish guilt", which obviously is just an extension of sexual guilt. This is most unfortunate, because every day life is hard enough to deal with, and the last thing people need is extra stress over feeling guilty for simply being born how you/we are.   


 Without going into some long rant over the origins of sexual guilt (monotheistic religions) I'm going to speculate that in many ways this could be even more profound for males who are submissive. That's not to minimize the baggage and guilt that women feel (Lord knows I had to deal with a few issues when I was younger from my own upbringing), and its not a competition, but within the fetish world submissive women are usually more "accepted" as it follows certain ridiculous archaic social constructs, cultural customs and the historical development of that nonsense.  

One thing that's bothering me, perhaps more so lately, is how some self proclaimed "dominant" women are failing to acknowledge this, failing to address it, and in many cases exploiting it. Look, all things notwithstanding, we're dealing with human beings here. While social attitudes are changing, slowly, very, very slowly, men are still mostly expected to be the macho guy, the leader, the one in charge, tough, stoic, like a rock and all that jazz, and not to display vulnerability. And I can think of few things where a man would be more vulnerable, than expressing submissive desires, and submitting to them. I mean, talking face to face with a woman he hopes to "be with" (in whatever capacity) where he may be alluding to being a sex slave, getting ass fucked, being beaten, on his knees, forced to do certain sex acts for her pleasure and amusement, perhaps ordered to wear what is deemed "feminine" attire, while running the risk of being viewed as a "freak" or a pervert, maybe laughed at, mocked, outed, and perhaps rejected, that takes a lot of guts to open up about.  

The human psyche is odd, in some ways so strong and powerful, in other ways so fragile and weak. I think with the spread of  "Sexual Female Domination" content on the web, books, blogs, memes, movies, stories, and then the online "Dommes", some ProDommes, the so called "FinDoms" and so on, an inhuman, calloused and apathetic attitude has grown. With the last examples, its just business, its about money, the human element is disregarded and ignored.  


Perhaps people are confusing real life with the online fantasy version. In real life, protecting the mental and emotional health of your submissive is of paramount importance. Its a human being. Its someone that needs to be protected. Sure, ballbusting, slapping him around, punishment, verbal humiliation or whatever within that context is good, its great, it can be fucking fantastic! But that happens when some sort of bond and trust has been established. Before, during and after, the guys self esteem, happiness, stability and sanity needs to be attended to. With the freedom of being sexually dominant, also comes some responsibility. A submissive guy is offering you a gift, him, himself, his open heart and mind, his soul, his hopes, lusts, desires and dreams. That gift should be appreciated, not abused or exploited. 

I've heard what seems to be about 47 quabillion women, including some of my girlfriends, complain that the men in their lives won't "let them in" or are too distant, unreachable, and shut them out. Obviously this could apply to all aspects of their relationship, and yes, sex is included, but I sometimes think that men can't win in this matter...they are "wrong" if they don't open up, and might be subjected to ridicule and rejection when they do. They get accused of "toxic masculinity" on one hand, and then maybe of being a "wussy snowflake" on the other. Its not right. Its not fair. Its not healthy, and it should be discussed and treated with sincerity and empathy. He's a human being...

12 comments:

  1. Myself, I would let it be known, but the response pretty much ended the relationship. If pressed, got the same results, asked why did you ask in the first place. I started just not saying or answering the question. I finally met this woman, after a couple of months asked, I told her of my past experiences and would prefer not. While at my apartment she came across my F/m spanking magazines, thought I had put them away. I had gone to the store and when I came back they were on the table. Is this what you were hiding, I said yes, she smiled. Nothing more said until a couple of weeks later at her place. She just said you need a sound spanking, your attitude has been something else. I said nothing, and soon found myself over her lap, bottom bare, getting a spanking. Is this what you wanted, I said yes, she said good, in this relationship this is what you will get, remember it will be my way, no talking back, no safe words, just a good sound spanking. We are now married, she uses a bath brush, wall facing time. Her secret was to be in charge, so we both benefited, the spankings do truly hurt and get her point across. Jack

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    1. This sounds like a successful and harmonious relationship. Glad to hear it. :)

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  2. Yes! Thank you for this post!
    Signed,
    A Vulnerable Feeling Male Submissive

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  3. Thanks for understanding and encouraging the dilemma I'm in. Others don't seem to get it, but it's nice to know that there are some out there who do (I've always found it helps me also when I focus on someone ELSE'S pain or hardships they're enduring:)

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    1. That ability, to empathize with others, is noble.

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  4. How embarrassing to be told that we too are human beings, just before being slapped around.

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  5. The day my wife met me she stripped me down to the bra and panties I was wearing under my boy clothes....
    As humiliating as that sounds....she got down on her knees and sucked my little cock....you see she had her kinks too....
    We grew and explored my submissive nature and as we did her domme side became clearer and clearer...
    Am I submissive to her....yes I am!!!!
    Do others know.....Yes they do!!!
    Not the vanilla friends though.....those wives love me because I'm so helpful and their husbands tease me about being "pussy whipped"...
    But all in all....I'm submissive and she's dominant....it works for us and I'm not really embarrassed anymore....now I kind of enjoy it!!!!
    Oh and I'd like to add that that top pic on your post is truly beautiful!!!!
    As always it's just my two cents!!!!
    Kisses
    Kaaren

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    1. I'm glad. Truly. I'm happy to hear about others that have, throughout what ever odds, found each other, embraced each other, accepted each other, and are enjoying and complementing each others lives. And thank you for the compliment. :)

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  6. This all changed for me in 1980 when I met Irene. I was comfortable so I opened up a bit. She was receptive so I opened up more. 40 years of femdom sex and going strong. Looking forward to our next tete a tete.

    Rosco

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    1. 40 years? I'd love to be able to do interviews and write up a story such as this. Proof that what some people say can not succeed, truly can. Kudos to you both. :)

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