The thirty things I have learned about love by watching porn...

 1. Women wear high heels to bed.

 2. Men are never impotent.

 3. When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

 4. If a woman is caught masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

 5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

 6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle aged men.

 7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

 8. Women always have orgasm when men do.

 9. A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding ticket.

 10. All women are noisy cummers.

 12. Those tits are real.

 13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

 14. Men always groan "oh Yes" when they cum.

 15. If there is two of them, they high five each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted).

 16. Double penetration makes women smile.

 17. Asian men don't exist.

 18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't beat the shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

 19. There's a plot.

 20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite her by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

 21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.

 22. Men always pull out.

 23. When your girlfriend busts you for getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking you both.

 24. Women never have headaches, or periods.

 25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to suck it.

 26. Assholes are clean.

 27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all concerned.

 28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

 29. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head, and the other proudly on his hip.

 30. Dorky guys never have to beg.

{Found online, author unknown, not relevant to me, but funny anyway. Vanessa}