Mom Proofing the House for the Holidays.

I say "Mom", but this applies to any relatives or friends that may gather at your home for the Holiday Festivities, or Festivus...if that's your bent.  :)

I don't have a great deal of company in my home. So on the rare occasions that someone is going to be visiting, I have to scan and check and hide and stash a variety of things. 

You know how it is, you got nipple clamps hanging over the shower rod clipped to some lingerie so they can air dry. 

There is a vibrator on the nightstand, two tubes of lube, and a bong. :) 

You're using a riding crop as a fly swatter (joking, but it made me giggle).

Your TV remote batteries are dead so you're using a cane to push the buttons up and down from your lazy-ass flop-spot on the couch.

An old gag/joke horse sized dildo is being used as a doorstop.  

You have to stash the Queening chairs otherwise "Aunt Ethel" (bless her heart, she's 92, has cataracts and bad knees) will make a beeline for anything that looks like a chair. 

There's so much rope laying around Mom asks if you recently took up mountain climbing.

You got your whips, and hairbrushes and handcuffs scattered everywhere.

You forget that the jewelry you're wearing all has BDSM or Cuckold related symbols.

The blow up doll still has a dildo stuck in its ass, and you're mannequin has recently been branded. (That was a wild night, lol.)

So, pretty much you have to rent a POD storage container just to hide all the sex paraphernalia, and just when you think you've got it all....your Rottweiler comes around the corner with a "Whip me Beat me Fuck me Eat me" pair of printed panties that he grabbed out of the clean laundry basket.
 
Bring on the spiked Egg Nog.. :)