On a social media forum I sometimes visit a submissive gentleman, (frustrated with finding a real life dominant woman) posed the question that if there is a number of ways to dominate a submissive, was it true that there was only way to submit? And further he wondered (in an effort to appeal to a dominant woman) if a sub has wishes and desires should they voice them?
In my opinion, open conversation and the free exchange of ideas and desires is paramount. I don't want some submissive that's a doormat. I mean I already have a doormat. :)
I like bright intelligent people with opinions. I want to know their history, thoughts, hopes, dreams, what they are passionate about, what makes them tick, what excites them...and then I would use that information against them to overpower them and make them submit to me, lol. :)
Be who you are. Just because you're submissive doesn't mean you don't have standards and don't deserve happiness. Refuse to settle for some self proclaimed second rate "Domme" who is not authentic and doesn't have a true interest and passion for this on an emotional....and sexual level.
Stop looking for a "Pre-Made" already-packaged-with-years-of-experience "MomDom" or FemDom or Mistress (whatever it is you seek) and find an open minded kinky woman to learn with, to share, and grow into it together.
Its not like in real life we are sitting at home with a wardrobe full of 1950s pinafores and a sturdy hairbrush aching for someone to take across our knee. Its more of a development and progressive attitude and set of urges that start small and grow as everyone learns more. Sure, some of us have a more natural aptitude for it, but for some others its like a primal beast that has to be unchained.
I mean we are taught in society to not hit, to be polite, in many cultures to defer to men, (the patriarchal structure) and to be all sweet and giving and to suppress our own desires and urges. For many women (especially prior to the Internet) we don't even know there are guys out there that are willing to be submissive.
What's interesting to me is (and I'm not a fan) the mixed fighting stuff with women. That Ronda Rouse girl and others like her are evidence of what many of us already knew, we are just as willing and capable of being violent, aggressive, sadistic, controlling and a plethora of similarly related "attributes" that may relate to what many think of as ideal in the "sexually dominant female" realm.
The worst thing someone can do is to just sit at home and run endless ads, answer the few replies they get, and be in competition with about 47 billion other submissive guys. Right down the street, right outside your door, at the market, the gym, walking her dogs, the single mother next door, everywhere are women that have sexual urges and desires that...while they may not match yours exactly, and nor should they, are still open minded and may be even more than you can imagine if you just give them a chance.
View it as something akin to prostitution (Oh yea...I "went there") where single horny women are sitting at home, and guys are at the strip club or picking up hookers, paying for Pro-Dommes, sex chat, or cyber-web-cam-virtual-reality-some-sort-of-app-whatever-the-stupid-fuck.....it makes no sense. :)
Get your asses off the chair and out the door and stop obsessing over "FemDom" imagery and outlandish sex stories that are not based on reality.... and live your lives.
Or not, what the hell do I care....I just want some decent Tacos, lol. :)
You raise some very good points here, Ms Vanessa.
ReplyDeleteI love this line in particular:
"I like bright intelligent people with opinions. I want to know their history, thoughts, hopes, dreams, what they are passionate about, what makes them tick, what excites them...and then I would use that information against them to overpower them and make them submit to me, lol. :)"
In addition to finding those open-minded women it's also good for the sub to have an extremely open mind and be willing to try things even if they might not seem like an interest at first. If I had a dime for every time I tried and enjoyed something that originally I never would have thought I would be willing to do... I'd have at least sixty cents by now.
It's also good for a sub to continually try to better himself over time... not only does it make them more appealing but it also promotes self-growth, especially if part of that process is learning how to make killer tacos :)
A sixty cent Taco?
ReplyDeleteGood God man...where?! :)
We, all of us, as human beings tend to get closed-mind-syndrome from time to time. Its always good for a bit of honest self reflection and as you said...always try to better ourselves. Thanks for the comment. :)
If I sing the 59/79/99 jingle that would make me feel old so I will refrain. That is hardly a decent taco either... unless you compare it to a taco made from dog food.
DeleteActually, to get back to the original question in the post, I believe there are many ways to submit but most activities can be (loosely) split into "giving" vs. "receiving."
Pampering, body worship, or being more service-oriented with chores or cooking definitely fall into the giving side.
Bondage, domestic discipline, chastity, and the like would fall into the receiving side.
While I think almost everyone can find things that appeal to them on both sides, I believe most people lean to one side or the other and this goes for both Dominants and submissives. One of the great difficulties for male subs is that their natural inclination doesn't always compliment a Domme's desires all that well. I think the more well-rounded a sub is in their submission, e.g. they can find pleasure in submitting through a wide range of both giving and receiving, the easier it is for them to find someone.
Take care.
Your points are all valid...its up to the people involved. My issue with the way the guy wrote his question, was the sort of sad desperation with which these guys wrestle to get the attention of a few women online and are willing to do nearly anything for it. Sadder still is that of the paltry few women that post there, most are Pro-Dommes so the guys are really just wasting their time. Hence my advice to turn off the "porn machine" and go find real women with a genuine interest. :)
DeleteDefinitely understandable :)
DeleteMy D/s relationships all started in a multitude of ways. One vanilla, one through a local BDSM group, and one through a kink dating site. Now that I read into it more I do see that he is in that state where he has forgotten that women are seeking an actual human that makes life enjoyable and interesting.
With chemistry and an emotional commection things do seem to work out :)
My apologies for making a scatterbrained comment that missed the point :D
There is no scatterbrained comment. I enjoy reading other peoples thoughts and experiences. And no one rambles, babbles and wanders off the path more than me...so don't give that a second thought. :)
DeleteSage advice Vanessa. No two people are going to be the perfect match. But it's amazing what they can discover when they grow into it together.
ReplyDeleteDiane
Diane....quality is better than quantity, at least for me. That takes time and its only special when there is some sort of connection. I mean if others think differently, that's fine. But I'm glad to know there are others on the same page with me on that point. :)
ReplyDelete