I'm afraid I have to disagree with Dan Savage on this one. While I always enjoy his posts and opinions, I think he's wrong with his conclusion on this readers question.
Of late, say the last 8 or so years, the "cuckold fetish" has exploded. I suspect its due in a large part to Internet websites and so on, wherein it sort of created its own hype, and therefore interest, which created the infamous FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) that seems to affect so many fellow human beings, and then all that doubled, which drove even more interest into it, and on and on, but sadly so much of it is based on misinformation. Dan seems to be buying into the erroneous notion that has existed forever that we have no sex drive, that men have to "create" that in us, they have to "teach" us, our being chaste, naïve, dense and all that nonsense that I assumed very few people still believed in. To that end, in this case, its the idea that most tales of a sexually aggressive female, her taking charge, engaging in kink of her own volition, must be the fantasy of her husband. Its bizarre to me that we have on the one hand, guys in society pissed off saying far too many women (Western women primarily) are a bunch of horney sluts, that can't be trusted, are always cheating, won't commit, won't settle down, and on the other hand they're saying women are to "virginal" and simpletons to have a sexual impulse on our own. So, which one is it? I mean come on boys...make up your damn minds, lol. :)
On top of that, the article implies she was being frisky, but they don't have sex, but its still being called cuckolding? And then they all get together and have a foursome? Okay, yes, the story does have some gaping holes in it (see what I did there?) but that could just mean the guy isn't the greatest writer and didn't tie all the details together.
Cuckoldry has existed for as long as humankind (and most animals) have. It was clearly defined forever, prior to the Internet and the fiction created by a small percent of fantasizing people since then. The nomenclature used by people online these days is mostly semantically inaccurate, and has more to do with slang than anything else. And most of the terms used mean little to probably 99% of humanity. Stags, Hotwife, Alpha-Cuckolds, etc...are more closely aligned with orgies and swinging than the original definition of cuckoldry. That's fine, people can say whatever they want, even though most others won't know what they're talking about, at least I don't, but I do find it amusing.
For me, a Hotwife is a wife...any wife, as all wives are hot. :)
Alpha-Cuckold is simply a guy topping from the bottom.
A Stag is a male deer.
Cuckoldatrix, Humiliatrix, Governessatrix, Gold Diggeratrix, Covfefeatrix...whatever, just silly terms adopted with the "trix" added that stemmed from the word Dominatrix.
What some might miss is this, I, being a sexual sadist (Sadistatrix?) revel in the humiliation aspect. Its a rush and a power trip, and I thoroughly enjoy it. Sexual greed, call it flouting societal and conventional standards, breaking the mold of what is expected of a good little dutiful "housewife", flipping the middle finger to the patriarchal theological aspects of my upbringing and the norms of our world. I mean look, as for my cuckold husband, I love him with all my heart. But I separate matters of the flesh from matters of the heart. So when I'm getting pounded by a lover, its the animalistic "heat" on my mind, that carnal urge and impulse ingrained in us since the dawn of time, and with that is the knowledge that my denied husband is somewhere close by, with blue-balls, tormented, teased, lusting, humiliated, his sexual "rights" denied, fuming, filled with angst, quivering, that clusterfuck of cuckold confusion in his mind, and knowing that I created it, that's fucking hot! At that moment I do not have a desire to extend terms of endearment to him...if that makes sense, I am thriving and pulsating and orgasming over my sadistic joy of leaving him in a puddle of pre-cum leaking, aching balls, hard dicked distress. :)
I mean seriously, do people *still* not understand what a sexual "sadist" does? That's what we do. We create or inflict "pain" in the sexual realm. Sometimes its physical, corporal punishment, CBT, things of that nature, the rest of the time, the majority of the time, for me at least, its mental. Maybe 95% of it is mental. The mind-games, the discussion, the planning, taunting, winding him up, the training, the teasing, the "dance" and all that goes with it...whereas the actual sex act itself, well, that only lasts a few moments. Its odd to me that guys that desire being cuckolded, think the Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma'am portion is the "thing", without understanding that entails only a small part of it, the smallest part in fact.
And to be honest, that alone, meaning just the sex, to me, would be boring and I'd rather just read a good book and have a cup of tea. Without slighting anyone, with no intention of doing that, for me, the greatest thrill *is* the mindfuckery. Again, that power trip thingie. I mean without it, its just an orgy of sorts. And while that's fine in some ways, it in no way compares to the mental aspects that I inflict on my cuckold on...well on a pretty much continual and perpetual basis. I mean taking a hardcore macho heterosexual type of guy, slowly breaking him down into a submissive sort, breaking his aversion to the spicier and kinkier, the "dark" side of sex, that's what thrills me. If I wanted to just find two bisexual guys who were all gung-ho to get into a threesome, that would satisfy some of the physical hedonistic pleasures, but would be boring to me as it left out all the mental, dominating, bossy, demanding, cajoling, breaking, harassing, tormenting, deviant and sexual "bullying" parts...which would be me denying my very own...sexual sadistic urges.
Also, and of paramount importance, when he's in that "subspace", vulnerable, weak, a big bowl of sexual Jell-O, with that wide open trust, is the factor that while I will exploit his lust and tongue, I would never, ever, ever, put him in a dangerous situation. Throughout it all, I ensure that health, sanity, safety, privacy and any other physical or emotional elements are protected, both his and mine. That's one thing that drives me nuts sometimes, when Dommes or Doms never mention or factor in the responsibility of taking care of the trust and well being that their sub has placed in them. Its a gift, from one human being to another, it needs to be respected, appreciated and cared for.
All right Vanessa (VanessaAtrix?)..what the hell? That was one long babbling, rambling, nonsensical, incoherent blog post...which I should edit, alter, fix, modify and maybe even delete, but, fuck it, I'm not. :)
Barcelona Spain.
Dandelion Dancer.
Mine...goes to 11. :)
