Sexual "Domination" - Sexually "Dominating".

 

Some people are far too often conflating *being* dominant, which is an innate personality characteristic, with someone "roleplaying" being dominant, as in "to dominate". Okay, so, let me develop my point before any sort of hostile replies or invective laden rage sets in. :) 

Domination: dom·i·na·tion /ˌdäməˈnāSH(ə)n/ Noun 1. the exercise of control or influence over someone or something, or the state of being so controlled.  

Dominate: "dom·i·nate /ˈdäməˌnāt/ Verb  1. have a commanding influence on; exercise control over. "the company dominates the market for operating system software"

I see a lot of submissive guys wanting people to advise them on how to "make" their girlfriend or wife "dominant". My contention, or opinion is...well, its posted below. 

 The most submissive actress on the planet can take on a role as a Dominatrix, get trained, put on the attire, and "play" the role of being dominant for a movie. That does *not* make her dominant, she's simply playing a role. The human psyche is such that...most people within the fetish realm, can look back on their childhood and acknowledge that they were "drawn" towards something and were cognizant of it from about age 4 or 5. Interestingly enough, the same applies to many LGBTQIA people where in retrospect they say they "knew" since a young age, they were "different". 

With the former point there is one connecting detail in that, for example, as kids they would get a "tingle" in their belly when a reference to spanking was made, or a cheesy bondage scene on some TV show, or in a book etc. Invariably they would grow up with a penchant for some sort of BDSM interest and lifestyle. This is well documented, most fetish people know it, some researchers and "shrinks" know it, a few statisticians know it, many people do. Other variations of those traits might be known as having a Type A or Type B personality. Alpha versus beta. Risk takers versus those that are inheritably over cautious. Extroverts versus introverts. Much of our personality and interests are created and cemented in our formative years, and of course the nature versus nurture debate could always be had, and it is interesting, but far too complex and mentally exhausting to go into right now.  

Obviously any version of "domination" versus "dominating" is fine, and roleplay and kinky sex games can be fun. My point is...for those guys that are lifetime submissive, that really, really, really want a life spent with a "dominant" woman, being with, or dating, or hoping to "train up" a hardcore, by nature, that urge residing deep within the soul, unwavering, natural born "dominant" woman, is going to possibly be disappointed as the "experimental thrill" may soon wear off within her. And of course this is just a sweeping general observation and opinion, there are always rare late bloomers, aberrations, anomalies and so on as we human beings are very complicated, plus there are the "part-timer" fetishists, and then those with more of a 24/7 desire, so this would only sort of apply to those that are more hardcore. 

And obviously the same might apply to submissive women that are wanting to "teach" their boyfriend or husband how to be "dominant". I've equally seen about a gazillion threads and posts on forums where women complain how their husband is too vanilla, tame, boring or whatever, and they want him to liven things up. They usually state that the "force" or sincerity, drive and determination is lacking, even though he might go through the motions. And it probably always will, because its not "ingrained" in him. Sure, when a relationship is new, hormones are raging, bodies are slapping, someone is face down and ass up, or on their knees, or elbows, and the passion and lust, the desire to explore and experiment is hot, hot, hot. But that will wane, it will fizzle. Without that innate deep seated desire, it becomes a chore for the...non-dominant "Dominant". My point is, its something to consider if its a huge part of ones life, marrying someone where it *isn't* a driving force in their life, and they're doing it just to satisfy their newfound partner. It might be great the first 6 months, or maybe a year or two, but...not so much the next, 60 or so years, assuming both are of good health and live that long, and I hope everyone does.   :)